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That Sneaky Beast by Mikael
February 2, 2010, 5:00 pm
Filed under: A Little Me, Dreams, Futuristic Musings, Try

I’m scared… I think.  I’m not quite sure what to think.  It’s very conflicting.

Over the weekend, someone asked me what I want to do once I graduate college (which is about 16 months away, mind you).  It’s not a very rare question–it happens almost once a week.  A very vague plan has always been my answer:

Move out-of-state.  Preferably California or New York.  Or England (in my dreams…).  Find a job  in writing/editing/publishing–anything along those lines. And while working, audition for gigs, musicals, recording things… anything that will give me an opportunity to perform.

“Isn’t the competition going to be tough?” — this person asks.

Imagine my brain and ego as a huge balloon completely deflating, releasing that awful squeal as though someone were pulling the opening in opposing directions.

Not once had the thought of competition cross my mind.  The first reason I wanted to move out-of-state is because there are hardly any opportunities to perform.  We have a very limited pool here in the bubble. 

Solution:  Move some place where those opportunities are much more abundant. 
Hitch in the Solution:  Everyone else is doing it too!

Oh, boy… I have no doubts about my abilities, but there are lots of other good people out there as well.  Jumping into that harsh world of criticism and more rejections than acceptions while acclimatizing to a new place, without my family or friends, just seems terrifying at this point.  Whatever happened to living “in the moment”? 

Can I please just survive through college first without having to worry about all this?

Is there anything in the future that scares you?  What are you going to do so it doesn’t psych you out?


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I’m scared witless too :). I’m not even done with school and I’ve started a business in which there is fierce competition between pros and soccer moms with cameras in a state where people are, in general, kind of cheap.

I have no idea if I can make it as a photographer. To keep myself from freaking out I practice and learn more about what I love. I look at past work and nitpick what sucks, what rocks, and what needs to be better, then I try to make it better. I look for the things that make me different and stand out from the rest, and I focus on that difference.

In addition to focusing on my photo stuff, I imagine myself skipping all the photography and trying to make it as something else in the world. That thought scares me more than trying to make it in the photo world.

Sorry this is so long!

I like the idea of focusing on what makes you different from other photographers. Like your own little quirky characteristics that make people love YOUR work in particular.

It’s ok that it was long! I appreciate your thoughts, Shea! Thanks! =)

Comment by sheadaisy

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