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Pick your Passion by Mikael
April 30, 2012, 8:15 pm
Filed under: A Little Me, Music, On Stage, Singing, Venting, Writing

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to perform. Give me a stage, a script or a song and I’m good to go. I’ve always known that’s what I wanted to do.

Let this be known: I have not always been a good performer, but I’ve never had a problem with nerves. I had the talent and potential but it took a few years for it all to click together.

Once I got into the swing of things, realized that songs actually can have meaning and found that I didn’t need to be afraid to move, my performances improved a butt load. Now I know I’m good–it’s something I’ve worked on and will continue to work on. That could explain why I love it so much–it’s something that I love to improve on.

Since then, performing has been a crucial key in my happiness. Nothing beats being on a stage, touching an audience or giving them an experience to remember. The high is truly addictive and is one of the best things in the world.

And then we have my second passion … writing. Singing was one escape–but when I couldn’t sing, I’d write. I was the girl at recess who would sit in a corner, humming to myself and writing stories about horses or secret clubs. I didn’t really get into poetry until college, but I love it now! Song writing came in the picture around the same time poetry did since they can be similar. A lot of the time, when I wasn’t doing homework, I’d be writing. One of my reasons for becoming an English major was so I could excuse my countless hours writing on something somewhat productive. :D

Of course, because of my studies, internships and whatnot, now I’m basically a writer (for three different companies currently). I must say that it is pretty awesome to get paid for something that I love to do. My experiences have been varied but I can honestly say I’ve loved each and every single one of my writing jobs. Each opportunity has had many lessons and things to learn and adapt to.

And this is where I run into trouble. I feel like because I’ve become so involved in my writing jobs that I’ve been neglecting my number one. That makes me very sad and frustrated.

My last audition for the Sound of Music at Hale Center Theatre went really well. Even my contact there told me that the directors thought I did great. When I told him they hadn’t called me, he was somewhat taken aback. When I told him my work schedule, then he understood why I wasn’t cast. Yep. My horse was shot down.

I have the talent, I have the drive… but I lack a decent schedule. And I’m not sure I like this picture.

Because of my job schedule (one of my jobs has me working Wednesday-Friday evenings), the odds of me getting cast in any kind of play or musical right now are so slim that it literally makes my heart hurt. What makes it even harder is that this job is one that I really like–I’m basically getting trained to be a TV News Producer and the experience is amazing.

When I think about it, being a News Producer isn’t a lifetime aspiration for me. It could potentially be a job that I would love, which wouldn’t be a bad thing to have at all. My biggest thing is that I need a performing outlet somewhere in my life. If something keeps me from being able to perform, I have a feeling I would grow to resent it. Performing is that integral of a part of me.

It kills me to think that I haven’t even posted anything on YouTube in over a month. I do have a couple things in the works though. Next up: “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benetar (now up!).

So now I’m at the point where I need to decide which is more important to me. How do you pick between two loves?

And then there’s another question–should I move to some place like LA, New York or Nashville where there are more performing opportunities than in Utah?

They say if you want something enough and do everything you can to get it, it can become reality.

Now I guess the issue is … what would be worth sacrificing for your number one passion?


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Aah this is indeed a tough question! I wish I could answer that one for you, as I often have similar dilemmas myself. There are so many things I enjoy and am passionate about that it can be hard to find focus. I guess it depends on how you would measure success. Do you need to perform in a professional forum in order to meet the needs of that integral part of you or is it something you just need to find more time for? Performing for pleasure itself may be something you can fit in right now, from right where you are with a bit of focus and a reshuffle and that way you won’t have to ditch any of the great things you enjoy. That said, I can understand the joy of performing for a paying crowd and how you might feel like a ‘proper artist’ if you hit the big time, but that’s a bit like enjoying writing but not calling yourself a writer til you get the book deal. Nothing changes, it’s just that somebody else has validated your efforts. If you figure this one out… let me know!

Comment by ordinarylifelessordinary

I think it would be nice to perform in a professional forum, but I just love to perform. I have my own validation that I’m a performer–I love it and don’t need money to prove that. I’ve always loved participating in community theater and choirs and such. I need more time for it for sure. I can’t really adjust my work schedule for that job so that makes it difficult. :(

Comment by Mikael

ah I see, only asked about the money bit due to your debate about moving to LA or similar. I do hear you though, it’s great to have so many gifts but also pretty time consuming if you want to make the most of them. Maybe divide your life into chapters, poetry and writing for five years, signing for five years, then combine them and write a musical for the five years after that… Ha ha ha, you get the idea! X

Comment by ordinarylifelessordinary

This is tough for sure. If it hurts you not to perform, you’ve got to find a way to make it happen. Maybe moving somewhere with more opportunities is something to consider, but also remember that where there is more opportunity, there’s more competition too.

I’d say, if performing is your number one and you don’t necessarily feel the need to do it professionally, then stay where you are and figure out a way to get it back into your life. If it’s what matters, you’ve got to fight for it.

Comment by terrabear (@terrabear)

Sing to me!

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