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The Cliff of Pending Cast Lists by Mikael

Ever feel like you climb, you struggle and work your way to the top of the mountain?  At first you admire the view. It’s beautiful. It’s awe-inspiring. It’s all you wanted and expected.

And then you look down and there’s the highest and steepest cliff you’ve ever seen. The realization hits that’s the only way down aside from going back the way you came… but you don’t want to suffer up that steep slope again. So the only way down is to jump… or fall.

The struggles in this case: endless anxiety, a bruised finger, a body beaten to a pulp, having an ego smashed not to mention an off-topic vulture that still circles overhead, still drawing my attention.

The clincher here is that I had an accomplice on my way up the mountain. The only difference is that he was rescued by helicopter that left me behind since it apparently had room only for one passenger. That made the precipice much more daunting. I can’t know how my journey ends, but I have a good feeling that my accomplice will make it back safely.

I can be happy for him all I want–which I am. I’m so glad he got off the mountain and is heading likely to something wonderful. He’s one of the most talented people that I’ve ever met; he deserves to make it. That doesn’t mean I’m not scared for what will happen to me though.

Should I stop with the metaphor now and just tell you what’s up?

Last week, I auditioned for two shows — Aida at Sandy Amphitheater and 9 to 5: The Musical at Hale. It was my fifth audition at Hale (usually takes a few tries) and Sandy is a familiar spot. Both initial auditions went extremely well–like at my Aida audition, I haven’t felt that good about an audition in a long time. Got called back for both shows, which coincidentally took place back-to-back on Saturday. My odds for getting a decent role seemed pretty high.

Callbacks even went well too. The dance audition for Aida was amazingly fun, but left me agonizingly sore since I put everything I had into the combos (all about the passion, ya’ll). The ones for 9 to 5 even seemed promising. My singing trio was easily one of the stronger ones and I thought I did my mini-monologue really authentically.

Now the uncertainty is wracking me and it’s driving me wild with knowing whether I’m cast or not, either ensemble or otherwise for either Aida or 9 to 5. My buddy got past the initial callbacks for both shows, and it doing more callbacks tonight (Tuesday).

Meanwhile, I’m sitting home with a 2-inch-bottle of Blood Orange Skyy leftover from BiSC (making me feel even more nostalgic), 7 Up and a box of kleenex, and recording masterpieces like this:

while waiting for my buddy to call and tell me how his callbacks have gone. Oh, and listening to that song on repeat to remind myself that I’m talented enough to be cast in something.

We are still together in the journey… he’s just getting off the ledge sooner than I am (he got second callbacks to both shows, whereas I didn’t) and is on his way. But he will have to dangle for a while too. In a way, we are both at some kind of a precipice, but at least he can do something about it for now. I’m left to wait and wonder. I can’t wait until we are both in that place again. In fact, I can’t wait to not wait anymore.

It doesn’t help that my last day at ABC 4 is on Thursday, and one of my main reasons for quitting was so I could participate in a show. The things we’ll do for our passions

Now this anxiety will surely kill me. I hope a helicopter comes really soon or I may jump or beckon the vulture to come take another swipe at me since clearly I can’t do enough damage myself.


(deja vu much?)

PS: I know I’m overreacting and that I’m being melodramatic… just please let me be melodramatic. Friday seriously cannot come fast enough at this rate.

Buddy Update: I wrote this before he called, and he called much later last night. His callbacks went really well, it sounds like. I can’t imagine how torn he must feel especially if he were to get offered good roles in both shows… He may be in a harder spot than me at this point. Keeping my fingers crossed for him to have to make an easier decision rather than a hard one.  


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Keep your eyes on the skies, they will come for you.

Comment by gladiuspoeticus

Here’s hoping! Thanks!

Comment by Mikael


Comment by Caryn

Thanks Caryn! You’re such a sweetheart…

Comment by Mikael

Sing to me!

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